Divorce is a serious business. The stakes are high. It starts with the
ending of an emotional relationship, moves to dividing up assets accumulated
throughout the marriage, and ends with determining legal decision making
and parenting time when there are children involved. It’s obvious
that there’s a lot on the line during the legal process of obtaining
a divorce; which means there are a lot of ways to mess it up.
That’s why it’s so important to take the advice of those in
the know when you are considering divorce. No matter how obvious the advice
seems, consider the source before you take it to heart and start to build
your plans for divorce on it. Make sure that the sources you are considering
as expert actually have something relevant to share based on past experience
and most importantly, avoid the most common mistakes.
Common Mistakes Made During Divorce:
#1: Obtaining legal advice from non-legal sources. If you need legal advice
(and you do) speak to an attorney who is experienced in handling divorce matters.
#2: Sharing the “dirty secrets” about your ex with the kids.
Putting down your ex or even simply disrespecting them in front of the
children will only have adverse effects. It generates sadness, guilt confusion,
depression and insecurity in the children who desperately want to love
both of their parents.
#3: Keeping quiet to avoid confrontation. Many who are in the midst of
divorce can look back on their marriage and see clearly that part of the
problem was that they did not speak up when necessary. Sadly, many don’t
realize that they are still doing it – don’t allow guilt or
fear to dictate the divorce process. Don’t make the same mistakes
you may have made in your marriage. Voice your opinions and advocate for yourself.
#4: Avoiding thinking about “after” the divorce. Divorce is
stressful and it can be hard. It can be very difficult to think further
than the right here and now. But thinking and planning about after the
divorce is final is critical.
#5: Keeping the kids completely in the dark to protect them. This is just
as negative as bad mouthing your ex. Many kids don’t find themselves
stressed because their parents overshare details, feelings, pain, anger,
etc. Instead, they find themselves stressed because of the exact opposite
situation: they don’t have enough information. They don’t
know what’s going on and they worry incessantly. Put their fears
at ease by being clear with them about what is going on and how it will
affect them. Keep it general – they don’t need all the details.
#6: Jumping straight into a rebound relationship. When a relationship ends,
it’s a very good idea to get dressed up and go out with a friend
to have a good time: smile, have fun and be social. It’s healthy
and laughter breeds happiness. If it’s in your nature – enjoy
a bit of innocent flirting. But keep the positive emotions derived from
your night out in the moment. Your world just got turned upside down.
You need some time to get your footing before you introduce someone new
into your world.
If you need additional assistance determining the best way to manage your
Arizona divorce, please touch base with one of the AZ divorce lawyers at
Arizona Family Law Attorneys today.