Countless men and women who have gone through a divorce have a list of
things they wish they knew before they got divorced. In decades past,
divorce was rare. Before that, divorce was unheard of. In today’s
social setting, divorce is neither. Instead, it is a part of the social
framework. But regardless of how common
divorce becomes it is still a difficult time for anyone experiencing it.
For many, the most surprising thing about divorce is that they feel sad.
They feel the loss, the fear, the anxiety that they never expected to
come at the end of a relationship they, themselves, wanted to end. In
fact, it doesn’t matter who decides to end the relationship or who
“wants” the divorce, many are simply unprepared for the enormity
of the life transition that divorce actually becomes. You expect the loss
of the marriage, but it usually comes with the loss of additional relationships,
i.e. certain friends who are closer to your ex, your ex’s family,
less time spent with your own children, etc.) Creating your new, post-divorce
life often requires enormous personal growth and until you get to that
point, you could feel a substantial amount of fear and anxiety related
to the unknown.
Some expect all their problems to disappear with the divorce. In most cases,
this doesn't happen. In fact, many still have to deal with their ex
– especially when there are children involved. The behavior or situation
that led to the divorce doesn’t go away because you divorced your
ex. They are still there and in many cases, so is your ex. Remember to
do your best to let it go and not let those particular behaviors get to
you anymore. It takes practice, but it can be done.
Learn to be happy on your own before you attempt to enter into a new relationship.
One of the first big challenges people face post-divorce is creating two
households using the same resources. This can be difficult, but it’s
important to also take time out for you. Figure out who you are all over
again – minus the part about being a wife or a husband. What are
your interests? What type of person would really make you happy in a relationship?
Finding these answers can take time. But you might find that going in
search of the answers is a journey you’ll enjoy.
Keep an eye on your kids because they may not tell you how they are feeling.
Instead you’ll need to interpret their actions. If they suddenly
behave more immaturely or recklessly, or their development slows or regresses
(for younger children), you may need to sit down as a family and address
any issues that have been left untouched.
Don’t rush – the
divorce process requires time. You require time to adjust so that you can make clear, conscious,
and good decisions. You’ll need to live with those decisions for
years. If you’re in a rush you’ll base your decisions on how
you feel rather than the actual facts in your situation. Use caution and
make sure you create the best post-divorce scenario possible for yourself
and your family.
If you need additional assistance with your Arizona divorce, please get
in touch with the lawyers at
Arizona Family Law Attorneys. We can help you pinpoint the relevant issues that need to be addressed
during the divorce process.