One of the most exciting and tension filled moments of any adoption is
the first meeting with the expectant mother. Many adoptive parents have
been waiting for a long time for this particular moment to arrive. Many
expectant mothers considering adoption will be just as excited and nervous
for this first meeting. Both usually experience some level of fear based
around the universally asked question, “What if she doesn’t
like me? What should I say?” This is normal. Everyone dislikes being
rejected – and therefore when the potential for rejection exists,
a certain level of fear is to be expected. In fact, interviews of all
kinds are unnerving. So it shouldn’t come as a surprise that an
adoption interview will rank a bit higher on the scale for “nerves.”
The adoption interview amounts to the first time the birth parents and
the adoptive parents will meet. It is an extremely personal moment. It
revolves around a very personal subject. It is taking place between people
who are in very emotional times in their lives. It’s prudent to
do all that you can to make sure that the “nerves” are minimized
and everyone is as comfortable as possible.
Meeting the Expectant Mother for the First Time:
- Pick a friendly place. In some instances, out of necessity, this meeting
will take place at the hospital, but when you have the opportunity, purposefully
choose somewhere friendly where it will be easy to talk. For instance,
restaurants tend to be more laid back and relaxing than offices. Taking
care to choose a place where the birth mother will feel comfortable will
demonstrate that you want to see to her needs – without you saying
anything at all. It’s a great first impression. Regular interruptions
to order, respond to the server’s questions, eat, etc. provide natural
breaks in the conversation that all will appreciate as it allows time
- Be gentle and polite. Don’t ask any questions of the birth mother
that you would feel awkward addressing yourself. There will be some difficult
questions to ask, but take your time and ease into these topics.
- Try to find topics of interest. You most likely saw paperwork prior to
meeting with the birth mother. Was there anything in the paperwork that
drew your interest? Did you notice anything that would indicate a shared hobby?
- Avoid financial discussions. It’s best if finances are handled by
your attorney. The discussion of money with a birth mother is the easiest
way to drive a wedge in the middle of your attempts to create a relaxed
and easygoing relationship.
- Be honest when you are answering questions. At the same time, don't
provide too much information. Be honest and simple in your responses.
Unless the expectant mother shows an active interest in a specific area
of your life, she probably doesn’t want every last detail.
The first meeting can be stressful, but it doesn’t have to be. Be
proactive in attempting to avoid negative influences on the meeting and
you might find that you even enjoy the sit down.
If you need additional information regarding the
Arizona adoption process, please get in touch as soon as possible. The experienced adoption lawyers at
Arizona Family Law Attorneys
are available to answer your questions and address your concerns.