When a relationship ends, it’s usually because there was some sort
of problem. In many cases, it’s because there was a big problem.
A problem that left one or both of the individuals angry, hurt and upset
at the other. In some cases, the anger and hurt are completely warranted
and in others they may not be. Regardless of the cause (reasonable or
not), these feelings can lead to “bad mouthing” of the ex.
Bad mouthing the ex to the buddies at the gym or to a girlfriend on a
weekend away isn’t going to do much damage to anyone, but this particular
method of coping can do more damage than you might expect; particularly
if there are children involved.
Many marriages that
end in divorce involve children. Not in the sense that they are at fault or responsible
for any of the decisions that will need to be made throughout the process,
but that their life is affected. What they once had; they will no longer
have. They are attempting to cope with something that a lot of adults
have a difficult time dealing with appropriately. It’s extremely
important that parents going through divorce do everything they possibly
can to make coping with the divorce easier on their children.
What’s the Most Important Thing Parents Can Do to
Make Divorce Easier on Their Children?
Never badmouth your ex. Your ex (a.k.a. horrible, repugnant, disappointing
spouse) is their parent. When you badmouth your ex, you are badmouthing
one of the two most important and loved people in their small worlds.
From the child’s perspective, the two people they love the most
in the world are suddenly giving the impression that their other parent
isn’t worth loving or respecting. Sometimes it can even leave children
feeling that they have to choose one or the other or they risk losing
the love of both of their parents.
Talking negatively about your ex can make dealing with the divorce more
difficult for your children. It can also have lasting effects. Being bitter
about the past is simply not a healthy option. The healthiest way to deal
with the ending of a relationship that has the potential to get nasty
during the divorce proceedings is to try to keep the big picture in mind.
Try to remember that you love your children more than you hate your ex
and they need you to make every effort to avoid letting things get nasty.
If you need assistance with an Arizona divorce, please get in touch with
one of the experienced Arizona divorce lawyers at
Arizona Family Law Attorneys. We can help you develop a strategy to avoid contention and “nastiness”
to minimize the negative effect on your children.