Have you ever gone out to lunch with friends and realized once you were
out that you happened to be the only non-divorcee at the table? Did divorce
come up during lunch? If so, it’s more than likely that the majority
of the divorced women had something to say about the matter.
Divorce Tips for Women: Out to Lunch with the Divorcees
Take your time recovering after divorce. Even if you are desperate to end
the marriage, you might find yourself in need of more time to “bounce
back” than you expected.
Consider finding a therapist who has experienced
divorce firsthand. Some therapists, who have not gone through a divorce, can sometimes
end up generating false hope instead of offering realistic expectations
Obtain an experienced family law attorney. Many assume an attorney is an
attorney and they turn to their old college buddy who is now the best
criminal defense attorney in the state or their favorite cousin who just
passed the bar and is going to work in real estate law. This is a mistake.
Experience is important. You need an attorney that is well versed in family
law in order to obtain the best settlement. They need to know state-law
nuances and local judges and lawyers. And they absolutely MUST focus on
Know your finances, individual and joint. Be aware of which accounts have
balances and which institutions hold which accounts. Obtain an all-inclusive
list of the financial accounts with appropriate usernames and passwords,
etc. 40% of divorce proceedings are about money.
Figure out your post-divorce plan – you need to budget as soon as
possible. Make your financial well-being your top priority. Ignoring financial
ramifications due to raw emotions and complicated legalities can result
in poor decisions. Your divorce will be resolved, but the poor financial
decisions you make during the proceedings will last a lifetime.
Don’t try to hurt your ex – it almost always backfires. You
probably already know the obvious – badmouthing your ex will hurt
your children. Don’t forget - anything you write about your ex online
will be available forever. Your children will grow up and eventually they’ll
be able to read. So take a deep breath before posting all the sordid details.
It’s not unheard of for divorce clients to actively seek retribution
by making affairs public. Use caution – consider whether or not
the information will actually hurt you and your children as well as “getting
back” at your ex. For instance, advising your husband’s boss
that he had an affair with his secretary could end up getting him fired
which would adversely affect his ability to provide financial support.
Take care to remember that being divorced does not make you a failure or
less desirable. There are still stigmas out there connected to divorce
so it’s important to know that being divorced doesn’t define
who you are. It simply means that a relationship didn’t work out.
However hard you expect the holidays to be – they will be harder.
Many find Christmas particularly difficult and experience feelings of
loneliness and a strangely amplified awareness of the “broken”
home. Consider taking a vacation or making plans with a sister, mother
Kids won’t usually tell their parents how they really feel about
the divorce – watch their behavior. Children of divorced parents
feel responsible for the breakup even when you emphatically state that
it’s not their fault. Monitor children’s actions in order
to figure out how they are dealing with the situation. Watch specifically
for little ones who regress in their behavior (acting younger or suddenly
wanting to sleep in bed with you or showing anger towards their siblings
or peers). Adolescents often act out by drinking, skipping curfew or school.
If you see this type of behavior in your children, address the issues
as a family. Talk about the changes. Inform their teachers of the situation.
If the behavior change is extreme, you may want to consider therapy.
If you have additional questions about
getting divorced in Arizona or need to discuss any of the divorce tips for women listed above, please
get in touch with the experienced divorce lawyers at Arizona Family Law