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The Worst Ways to Tell Your Spouse You Want a Divorce

The Worst Ways to Tell Your Spouse You Want a Divorce

Sometimes it’s obvious to both parties in a marriage that a divorce is pending. In fact, sometimes it’s obvious to everyone on the entire street, the entire neighborhood, and the entire extended family. But what should you do when you want a divorce and your spouse has no idea? The very first step is to tell them that you want a divorce. We could tell you how to do it, what to say, etc., but it could be more effective to point out a few of the very worst ways to tell your spouse that you’re filing for divorce.

3 Worst Ways to Tell Your Spouse You Are Filing for A Divorce:

  1. By Random Note: Leaving a note on the counter with your key and a quick, “I want a divorce. XOXO” may be comical, but it is also flippant. This is a marriage you’re talking about ending. Appropriate matters to discuss per note could be: please bring milk home, parents coming for dinner tonight, or want to see a movie Friday? But while leaving a note to advise your husband/wife that you want to end the most significant relationship in their life is non-confrontational in the beginning, you can be sure that it won’t stay that way for long.
  2. By Spreadsheet Backed by Research in the Field: The more analytical minds out there may be tempted to gather opinions from close observers in order to validate their choice to seek a divorce. They may contact mutual friends requesting their opinion on the matter. To this point, there’s not a lot to be upset about as long as said “mutual friends” keep their mouths shut long enough, but taking the information gathered and presenting it to your spouse spreadsheet style with annotations noting the reasons others noted as worthy of divorce is taking things way too far. Seeking consolation or even the opinion of a close friend or two is probably normal and appropriate, but openly discussing divorce in this manner before you’ve even had a chance to advise your spouse is harsh and presenting the data to them upon notifying them of your intentions is even worse.
  3. In the Bedroom: This might seem obvious, but too many make the mistake of waiting for that lovely “all is well” moment to break the news hoping that the fallout will be less extensive. Thinking this theory will work is a misconception that actually lead to bodily harm. It is never a good idea to break the news of an impending divorce (or even a breakup of a weeks long fling) in the bedroom – you’ll be far too vulnerable and they’ll be far too insulted to hold back on their instinctive reaction. Injuries will likely ensue.

While finding a “good” way to tell your spouse that you would like a divorce may be impossible, it’s very possible to avoid telling them badly. Be kind, be appropriate, be straightforward and be honest. It might not go well, but you can hope that the way you break the news won’t be cause for any additional pain or confusion.

If you have questions regarding Arizona divorce or filing for a divorce in Arizona please contact one of the experienced lawyers at Arizona Family Law Attorneys. We can answer any questions you may have and provide you with legal advice necessary for your case.


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