Those who have gone through the adoption process often refer to it as a
roller coaster ride. There are moments when you feel you have been climbing
forever – working towards a desired result that never seems to arrive.
Then suddenly you are hanging on for dear life as you are whipped through
major stretches at breakneck speed, twisting and turning. You may lose
sight of the ground and find yourself reacting instead of relying on your
careful plans and preparations. What’s the trick to a successful
adoption? You might say that it’s learning how to enjoy the ride
for what it is...something you probably can’t predict, but that
leads you right where you wanted to go. Struggling to stay grounded during
your own roller coaster adoption ride?
Consider These 5
Tips for a Successful Adoption:
If you or someone you love is interested in adoption, but you are unsure what the
adoption process entails, please get in touch with the
Arizona adoption lawyers at Arizona Family Law Attorneys today.
- Determine before you even start what a “successful” adoption
means to you. Find out what specific quality would need to be present
in order for you to feel that the adoption process was a successful one.
That way you’ll know what to aim for and what to look for, whatever
it may be: honesty, authenticity, respect, closeness, validation, etc.
Be clear about what you want and then keep it at the forefront of your
mind throughout the adoption.
- Use that one word you determined would make an adoption a “successful”
one to bring you back when you are feeling lost in the process. Remind
yourself of that particular value – work to bring it into each moment.
It will be a trigger word that can keep you grounded.
- Don’t avoid the uncomfortable. Almost everyone involved in an adoption
is going to find himself or herself outside of their comfort zone. Address
the “uncomfortable” head on without denying the facts or attempting
to downplay what is happening. Dealing with the “uncomfortable”
is the best way to ensure that there won’t be any lingering negativity
and you can simply revel in the joy of adoption.
- Accept and expect jealousy to rear its ugly head, but don’t accept
it as a lifelong part of the process. Make jealousy’s time in the
spotlight as transient as possible. Find a way to address it and let it
go. Jealousy can sneak into the adoption through various avenues, including:
adoptees feeling jealous of birth siblings, adoptees being jealous of
the “control” the adults in the situation wield over their
life, birth parents jealous of the time adoptive parents spend with the
adoptees, adoptive parents jealous of the biological bond between their
child and the birth family, etc. No matter where it comes from, acknowledge
it, address it and let it go.
- Be open to change and growth. After a successful adoption almost every
adoptive parent will say that they learned so much and grew in ways they
could not have imagined before they adopted their child. Be willing to
accept the opportunities for growth that will come with the new and exciting
situation. Adoption will teach you things about yourself that you never
knew, bring you into close relationships with strangers that you would
never have developed otherwise, and so much more. Accept it as part of
the ride and learn to love it.